When talking to anyone, including children it can be too easy for us to assume things and respond in our ‘model of the world’ rather than focus on seeking understanding and clarification of what is being said. Children have such a wonderful imagination and I think adults soon forget how to indulge in the world of imagination and our questions during a discussion can be quite closed and limiting. This may result in us missing out what is really going on inside our children head, to really understand them and importantly, for them to feel understood and listened to.
Two questions from Clean Language can really help you listen to your children (or anyone), exploring their world, in a new way which remove any assumptions. The questions are:
1. (And) what kind of X (is that X)?
2. (And) is there anything else about X?
The X refers to a word of phrase your child has used.
An example:
A mother who had just learned these questions picked up her daughter from school. When her daughter showed her a picture of a house she had drawn, Mum asked ‘What kind of house is that house?’ and ‘Is there anything else about that house?’ and so on. What resulted was one of the longest after-school conversations they’d ever enjoyed. The next day after school the daughter asked ‘ask me some more questions Mummy!’.
Play with it. I find it incredibly useful with my 3 year old. I enjoy so much exploring his world of imagination without the limits of my assumptions and model of the world restricting the conversation.
