I am deep in concentration, slightly anxious about how much I have to get done that day, forgetting to remember it is only me putting setting my own deadlines! The study door opens, it’s my son. I swing round trying not to be angry at being disturbed having asked not to be, however my tone of voice gives it away. I always wanted to be the parent that stopped everything, my face lighting up whenever I see my son, so he knows he is the most important thing to me. In this instance I was not being that way.
My clients often feel as if they have no control over their emotions in certain circumstances whether that is thinking about a something/someone or in particular situations like talking to the boss. They want to respond differently, be in control of how they feel and behave, but something over-rides that. They are what is called ‘emotionally hijacked’. However, we have more control of our feelings than we think.
I teach clients how to do this and it can be very empowering to discover that we can maintain control of our feelings and behaviour regardless of what is going on around us, or what is being said to us. Given over 95% of our behaviour and response to situations is controlled by our unconscious mind I also use hypnosis to help them wake up and become more in control, being more of the person they want to be.
No situation can make us feel anything. This is counter to popular understanding. It is our response to situations that create our experience. It is actually our thoughts that create our experience life moment to moment. Some people say they have a stressful job. It is not the job that makes them stressed, it is their thinking about the job the means they experience it as stressful, which is why two people can do the same job and have very different experiences.
Given it is our thinking creating our experience of situations we are able to change it. This might sound like an impossible feat, but once you really understand the nature of thought it becomes a whole lot easier.
“You’re one thought away from happiness and your one thought away from sadness” Sydney Banks
The thing is about thought is that it is not truth. Thought creates an illusion of reality that is not true, however we believe it and that leads to another thought and that leads to another though and so on. Before we know it we have created a story that becomes our reality. Behind the thought, being drowned out by thought is our default setting of peace and wellbeing.
As a reminder you are ‘I am respons-ABLE’. When I tell myself that I am immediately reminded of the fact I am responsible for my experience, no-one can control that and I am able to take control back when I relinquish it.
So, I reminded myself I am respons-ABLE for my feelings and state, not my son’s interruption. Let my thinking go and felt calm and relaxed and was able to respond in love. Letting go of my thoughts enabled me to get perspective in that moment and be in tune with my inner wisdom as to what is most important to me in that moment, giving unconditional love to my son.
Give it a go. Remind yourself you are respons-ABLE.