One of the many problems with motivating people by rewards/consequences is that it doesn’t get to the root of the problem why the person you are trying to motivate is not doing what you want. It is a way of controlling behaviour without seeking to understand the other person. Take an example. Your three year old will not stay in bed. After the 3rd time of them re-appearing downstairs what do you do? Those that use rewards or consequences may be quick to say ‘if you come out of your room again we shall not be going to the zoo tomorrow/you shall not be watching TV for a week…’
But why are they not staying in their room? Maybe they are just not tired. Maybe they have been deprived of 1:1 attention with the parents and the evening offers the best time for a cuddle and a talk. Maybe they are still wound up from particular events of the day and need to rehearse and clarify things to make sense of what happened. Maybe they are scared there are monsters under the bed! Or maybe she can hear activities downstairs and who can remember how all the excitement seemed to happen to start after we were put to bed!
Rewards and consequences don’t require us to know what is really going on. I believe this is not treating the child with respect and as just as important human being as the adult. Will they feel understood? Our culture is built around the ‘do this and you will get this’ of behavioural psychology which originates from lab rat research that treats people as passive beings who’s behaviour must be elicited be external motivation.
