I am often saddened when I hear parents talking to their children. So much of parenting can be driven by fear. Fear that the child will not behave in a way that is acceptable to the adult, fear they will not be confident, fear they will not reach their full potential. Often that fear results in what I think is unhelpful language and behaviour – creating the opposite effect that the parent desires.
A classic example is “I am worried about sending him to nursery because they will not push him as hard as we do”. (The child in question is 2). I believe play is learning, particularly at that age. We are built to discover and learn – in our own ways, in the thing we are interested in. I have seen too many therapy clients where their self esteem is low because if high expectation from parents resulting in the fear of failing or not really knowing who they are and what they want from life.
I guess the positive side is it is creating future therapy clients for me! But I would rather they didn’t need it in the first place. The good news is the impact of these things can be overcome with Cognitive Hypnotherapy and I have seen many clients discover themselves and be liberated from fears they have learnt from their parents.
How can we prevent it happening in the first place? No parenting is perfect and no-one is perfect at parenting but we can learn new ways that can prevent feat being handed down from generation to generation. I thoroughly recommend the following books for parents or future parents:
