I love being a life coach helping people here in Cornwall and further afield via phone and Skype, however sometimes I find my thoughts can be my worst life coach!
I often find myself telling myself stories. Playing out a movie of my future life in my head. Often this can be a disaster movie waiting for the hero to come and save me, however I am always left waiting – which can be rather stressful! Then I wake up out of my daydreaming trance and recognise that it was all an illusion created by thought.
However if we are not careful our subconscious can start believing these illusions and we carry the affects in to our day to day experiences resulting in anxiety, stress, self doubt and lack of hope. The illusions of thought is not the best life coach one can have!
The Work by Bryon Katie consists of asking yourself four questions to challenge your thinking. Our thinking creates our experience in life and it is just an illusion. It is not based on facts. Thought is not reality, it creates an illusion of reality. These questions can coach you to having a sense of freedom and new lease of life.
The four life coach questions are:
- Is it true? Is this thought/belief true? Be still. Wait for the heart’s response.
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Ultimately, can you really know it is true?
- How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought? Do you experience anger, stress, frustration? How do you treat others? How do these reactions feel? How do you treat yourself? Does that thought bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen.
- Who would you be without the thought? Close your eyes. Imagine your life without the thought. What do you see? What would your life look like without that thought?
Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you believe to be true. You may find several turnarounds. Change the he/she/they to I. Change negatives to positives. For example, “Paul should understand me” turns around to:
- I should understand me.
- I should understand Paul.
- Paul shouldn’t understand me.
Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, find at least three genuine, specific examples in your life where the turnaround is true. This is not about blaming yourself or feeling guilty. It’s about discovering alternatives that can let go of stress, anxiety or doubt that the thinking was creating and bring you peace.
Here is an example
Statement: I am not good enough to be a success at what I really want to do in life
Is it true? Yes it is, I truly believe it
What’s the reality? I haven’t really done it so I don’t really know whether I would be a success or not.
Can I really know that is true? No. Not until I have given it my best shot and done all I can do succeed.
How do I react when I believe the thought [I cannot be a success]? Cheated, by myself. Cheating myself out of doing what I would love to do.
What does it feel like to believe the thought? I feel angry, I feel the anger flooding my body.
How do I treat others when I think [I cannot be a success]? I let my anger affect the way I speak to them when it is nothing to do with them. It comes out in my tone of voice.
How do I treat myself when I think [I cannot be a success]? I give up on myself and stop caring for myself fully thinking what’s the point.
Can I see a reason to drop the thought [I cannot be a success]? Absolutely. I can see how it is damaging me and my relationships.
Rewritten statement turned around: I am good enough to be a success in what I would love to do.
Play with the four questions and be open to shift in your mindset which may allow your body to breathe in a new sense of life. Contact me if you think coaching can help you with your journey. Sometimes having a coach to help us create the life we want can be incredibly useful as we often cannot see what right under our nose.
