As a coach (life coach, business coach and sports mind coach) there is a word I hear clients use quite often. It’s the word ‘should’. I want to explore what’s behind this word. We all use it but often don’t understand the negative impact of the mindset that is behind it.
At any point in time we are either operating as an owner/creator of our life or as a victim. My job as a coach (whether life coach, sports coach or business coach) is to help a client recognise the power within them to be the creator of the life they want.
‘Shoulds’ do not free you up or empower you in any way. It’s demotivating. We tell ourselves we ‘should’ do XYZ and when we’re not doing it we feel even worse. This leads to a negative spiral which can have a profound impact on our system, experiencing stress and anxiety which can impact our health and wellbeing. When was the last time you felt so exciting about doing something you are telling yourself you should do?! Your mindset is your inner coach, is it serving you with victim mentality?
Instead of saying we should do something and owner or creator will use language of ownership. ‘I choose to…’.
Owners and victims have a different outlook on life. Owners see life as something they can use, they give himself permission to live and have an inspiring life. Victims have to get permission and think life happens to them. It is true sometimes you do not have a choice over our circumstances however we always have a choice of how we respond to them. That’s the purpose of a coach, to help us see life differently, to see the new things our thinking blinkers us from.
Owners see life as something to get things from, always seeing new things they can learn. For example something may happen and they say ‘I got this from that experience’. They coach themselves in the new learnings and understandings from situations. Victims see circumstances as something to get through rather than something they can get something from.
With my clients I coach them to have a complete mindset make-over. It’s not motivational coaching. The owner v victim mentality is a place you come from rather than a place you have to change your thinking to get to. It’s not about positive thinking. You can’t fight thought with thought. It is about recognising who you really are. We are powerful co-creators of the experience of our life, co-creating with the divine, loving energy behind life.
Victims say ‘it’s just the way I am’. I used to think I was a worrier, I thought it was my personality type and there was nothing I could do about it. This is not true. No one is born a worrier. When I had that realisation I got myself a life coach which was the beginning of a mindset transformation for me and my life.
Victims look for happiness in things outside of them. Our thinking makes us a victim. Our thinking tells us our happiness comes from circumstances, people, our career, our relationship, our bank balance… The truth is we don’t need a reason to be happy, happiness and well-being comes from within us. It’s an inside job.
If there’s a problem creators see themselves as being the problem. Although this is technically not true (because we do not have power over circumstances in life) this mindset is incredibly empowering. Who wouldn’t want an empowering coach within themselves?
Creators create the future today. Creators look to what it means to live an inspiring and purposeful life and start creating that today. Victims look at what’s they will become someday.
Life is a rollercoaster no-one can predict what is going to happen next. Life throws all sorts of things at us. Creators ask ‘how can I use this’? ‘What can I create from this’? There’s always hidden gold. Victims ask ‘why is this happening to me’? And may look who or what they can blame.
Is your inner coach an owner of your life or a victim in life?
Whether you realise it or not you are powerful creator/owner of your experience in life. It’s your thinking that tells you otherwise. You are not your thinking.
If you’ve never experience the benefits of having a coach (whether life coach, business coach or sports coach) to help you create a more creative mindset whether for life or business contact me and we can explore whether I can help you.